Can You See The Difference?

 SO, to continue my journey. We were living in the house in Calabash Acres. The drugs were plenty and my habit was growing. I went from barely being able to take a half of a 40mg Opana to taking 7 to 9 a day. Yeah, I know, that's a LOT for a little girl like I was. It was 360mg a day! I was on cloud 1,000. I was brainwashed as well into thinking this man in my life really cared for me. He didn't. He couldn't. Anyone with a habit like we both had is completely incapable of loving another human. You love the drug. The drug is your girl friend or boy friend or spouse. You don't get a choice either. Oh, I remember going to my niece's wedding. I was so out of it...I'm pretty sure everyone knew, how couldn't they? But not long after that which was in July, things really started to fall apart. This was about September/October 2011 when I was given the "generous" offer of going to Maryland to stay with my ex-in-laws but we have already discussed how THAT worked out.

This will sound weird to those who don't know anything about drugs but, I genuinely thought I was a better mom when I was high. I had more energy, motivation, creativity and most of all PATIENCE.

I would get out there and play and be happy go lucky Mommy but when I didn't have the drug watch out! I was not the Mom anyone wanted or needed to be around. If I didn't have my drug, I wouldn't even bother getting out of bed except of course to run to the bathroom and throw up or sit on the toilet or both. And I'm sorry if that is TMI for you but its the truth, its MY truth and its part of my story. So the whole time we lived in Calabash, I was either really high or really sick. Then on October 22nd, my mother's birthday, we decided to get her flowers and a gift and take them to her which we did then he wanted to stop at Walmart. BIG mistake. I should have known better because he got arrested for stealing and deep down I already knew that was why he wanted to stop there. So he is in jail and I go home and find a whole bottle of 1mg Xanax in his top underwear drawer so I decided to take a few and then the money I had to bail him out with (which came from his supplier...I guess it comes with the territory? You get caught with his shit he will bail you out, idk honestly I just know I was handed $500) and then the Xanax took a hold of me and there I went thinking I could turn $500 into 1k. Well, long story short that didn't end well and I ended up in jail myself. For 3 days. That was the worst 3 days of my life....or so I thought....