Lord What Have I Done

 So here I am at the 2010 North Myrtle Beach Christmas Parade as high as I had been yet because Mr. Bright Ideas (above) thought it would be nice to offer me my first whole HALF (these things were STRONG people...you just have NO idea) of an Opana and this is where I make the 2nd worst decision of my life...I took it. Or should I say I snorted it. (This blog is MY story and about brutal honesty so if you can't handle this, you might wanna stop reading now). So after about 20 minutes I start feeling really sick and I just knew I was gonna through up, so I told him. He said, "all you need to do is eat a little something greasy and that feeling will go away and you will feel awesome" and he wasn't lying. I forced down some McDonald's French Fries and sure enough all of a sudden I felt SO amazing. Like nothing in the world was wrong even thought everything was wrong. I had walked out on my daughter, I had been dumb enough to get an apartment with this fool and to top it off, we all of a sudden had ALL his kids, which I'm not ashamed to admit, I didn't really care for and the reason being is because I signed up for an apartment for he and I to share NOT for him to get all 3 of his kids and pawn them off on me because their sorry excuse for a mother was in prison and always expected other people, including her 10yr old son, to take care of her kids. So there I am, high, suppressing an enormous amount of resentment and guilt. Which, if you know anything about addiction, are two of the most common root causes of addiction. So I was on the right train and that train just kept getting faster and faster and rougher and rougher until it finally ran off the rails, for the FIRST time. We had decided to move into this house in Calabash Acres and that was the epitome of my drug use thus far (up to that point because by then I was taking about 7 to 9 WHOLE Opanas/day which for a 115lb 5'6" girl is a LOT.) I had tried not long after the above picture was taken to take myself off them and that didn't work out so well. I truly thought I was dying and this POS thought it was funny or nice to just leave me alone for hours in the room puking and running to the bathroom all simultaneously. Sounds fun right? Well, since I was sure I was going to die I called my mom and begged her to take me to the hospital and I told her everything. They gave a shot of buprenorphine which would only last 24 hours and suddenly I was fine. So I think my mom thought I'd be ok after that but I wasn't and when word spread to my ex-in laws, Tom (the ex father in law who was a 25 yr clean heroin addict) thought he could help me so he flew me to Maryland telling my dad he was gonna "get me some real help". HA! Turns out, all that was, was just a ploy to get me to leave the state so they could get me for abandonment of Ava (which didn't work because I realized it before it was too late. All the while the DEA had just raided THEIR son's house (yes with my daughter in it) and carried out 157 marijuana plants of full maturity as tall as me with buds the size of my forearm on them. And since I was too sick to go, MY parents went and picked Ava up and DSS was never called on him. Go figure...money really does talk, that's all I can say about that, for now.