Those Stupid Plants

 

I remember it all like it happened yesterday, as I should since it lasted for about a year of what I'd call a bad marriage. And it was all because of THOSE PLANTS...THOSE STUPID, STUPID PLANTS. Yes, I'll admit they didn't really bother me too much before we had Ava. They were his hobby. They were something he enjoyed and not just because they were marijuana plants; he really did just enjoy growing things. I made the mistake of not realizing just how "into" it all he had become. Even after we took a vacation I thought was to ultimately see my friend Lexi in L.A. come to find out was really just so he could meet this guy he'd met online on one of those forums! And it wasn't like just driving up to a house and knocking...no, we had to call and the guy came down this so called mountain in the woods of Sacramento (and when I say woods I mean the sticks, as we like to say around here. We had to be lead up this steep, old mountain road until we came up on something that would remind you of a scene from "Wrong Turn"). This was something so far beyond that "little visit" I was told about. There was this HUGE building connected to a lackluster 2 story wooden house. Thank the good Lord they weren't serial killers. But even that didn't really make me think this was an "issue" because after we left we got on with our vacation of visiting San Francisco, renting a porche for my birthday (he was good at surprises) and driving through the Northern California countryside, renting a grey jeep wrangler (exactly what I wanted...one all the doors came off of) and driving South down the PCH to L.A. stopping along the way to take in the breath-taking views and even stopping at a place I had seen Food Channel just to get a famous fish taco to finally land ourselves at the Beverly Hills Hilton (yes, the one Whitney Houston died in). We spent time shopping and visiting with Lexi, lounging by the amazing pool and being waited on with ALL the amenities you could imagine. That trip is the last decent memory I have of that relationship. The reason being, not 2 weeks later he goes back to Sacramento and Humbolt County to "explore" the marijuana growing business. He was DEAD serious too. He said he wanted to move us ALL (meaning myself, him and our 1 yr old) out there and live so he could grow for a dispensary (he also obtained his very own medical marijuana card on that 2nd trip). I realized THEN these plants were his most treasured possession. He didn't bother to notice our daughter and I most of the time. I had already tried for a whole year to make it work. He refused couple's counseling, so I went alone thinking maybe I could fix US but you can't fight when you don't know what you're truly up against and I had no idea. It would have almost been easier to accept another woman. But to be willing to lose your family because of plants...that's down right pathetic.

So after he returned from HIS solo trip to California, I tried a bit harder to reason with him but I couIdn't shake the feeling he was also trying to get me away from my family because he knew a cross-country plane ride for them was out of the question yet he knew HIS family would just buy property out there and he'd have it exactly the way HE wanted it. So, back to that night...I also told him the ONLY reason I wasn't taking Ava was because I wasn't exactly sure where I was staying and it may not be a good idea to just take her out of her home and change her routine that much. She was a little over a year old and

I wanted to protect her. He did cry but not once did he ask me to stay. Not that I would have, but still, you'd think he would have said please don't leave, we can work this out (if he had truly loved me). But nope. He never said that, so, I had my bags already packed and I got in my BMW SUV (I had it good and was running away from it all at about 1,000mph in what would come to be the worst direction possible, because that's how unhappy I was). He followed me to Emily's to pick up Ava. He loaded her in he car and all I said to him was, I'll be in touch about Ava. He just gave me the most hateful look like he cared but if he cared he should have shown it. So he went home with Ava and I headed south to South Carolina (where my mom lived but with someone I couldn't stand). I called and old friend, his name was Kenny and he and I had been speaking on the phone and writing letters because he had JUST been released from prison on drug charges (and yes I know how ridiculous this all sounds NOW but at the time my unhappiness and depression had taken a hold of me and my thought processes so much so that I wasn't thinking clearly) and he lived in a house he shared with a couple in North Myrtle Beach. I told him what was going on and he said come on, you can stay here until you get your apartment. So, I did. And that was the WORST decision I ever made. It was the beginning of the downfall of my life for the next 6 years. It's where I was introduced to the devil. And no, I'm not referring to Kenny (his name happened to be Kenny as well), I'm referring to two drugs, one called Opana or the generic name, oxymorphone and the infamous oxycodone. I watched Kenny sell them and do them for about 3 months and I never touched one...but one night I guess I was just in the mood to "party" (something had happened like a fight with Ava's Dad Kenny) that my nerves were SO bad it made me want to try it...I just wanted to escape my feelings...mostly the guilt of leaving Ava, so, I asked if I could try one and he let me. He knew what it would do to me but hey, misery loves company, right? So, I tried one and it was the best feeling. It was like a warm hug and all my worries were suddenly gone...and even though I didn't realize it at the time, so was I...I remember it all like it happened yesterday, as I should since it lasted for about a year of what I'd call a bad marriage. And it was all because of THOSE PLANTS...THOSE STUPID, STUPID PLANTS. Yes, I'll admit they didn't really bother me too much before we had Ava. They were his hobby. They were something he enjoyed and not just because they were marijuana plants; he really did just enjoy growing things. I made the mistake of not realizing just how "into" it all he had become. Even after we took a vacation I thought was to ultimately see my friend Lexi in L.A. come to find out was really just so he could meet this guy he'd met online on one of those forums! And it wasn't like just driving up to a house and knocking...no, we had to call and the guy came down this so called mountain in the woods of Sacramento (and when I say woods I mean the sticks, as we like to say around here. We had to be lead up this steep, old mountain road until we came up on something that would remind you of a scene from "Wrong Turn"). This was something so far beyond that "little visit" I was told about. There was this HUGE building connected to a lackluster 2 story wooden house. Thank the good Lord they weren't serial killers. But even that didn't really make me think this was an "issue" because after we left we got on with our vacation of visiting San Francisco, renting a porche for my birthday (he was good at surprises) and driving through the Northern California countryside, renting a grey jeep wrangler (exactly what I wanted...one all the doors came off of) and driving South down the PCH to L.A. stopping along the way to take in the breath-taking views and even stopping at a place I had seen Food Channel just to get a famous fish taco to finally land ourselves at the Beverly Hills Hilton (yes, the one Whitney Houston died in). We spent time shopping and visiting with Lexi, lounging by the amazing pool and being waited on with ALL the amenities you could imagine. That trip is the last decent memory I have of that relationship. The reason being, not 2 weeks later he goes back to Sacramento and Humbolt County to "explore" the marijuana growing business. He was DEAD serious too. He said he wanted to move us ALL (meaning myself, him and our 1 yr old) out there and live so he could grow for a dispensary (he also obtained his very own medical marijuana card on that 2nd trip). I realized THEN these plants were his most treasured possession. He didn't bother to notice our daughter and I most of the time. I had already tried for a whole year to make it work. He refused couple's counseling, so I went alone thinking maybe I could fix US but you can't fight when you don't know what you're truly up against and I had no idea. It would have almost been easier to accept another woman. But to be willing to lose your family because of plants...that's down right pathetic.

So after he returned from HIS solo trip to California, I tried a bit harder to reason with him but I couIdn't shake the feeling he was also trying to get me away from my family because he knew a cross-country plane ride for them was out of the question yet he knew HIS family would just buy property out there and he'd have it exactly the way HE wanted it. So, back to that night...I also told him the ONLY reason I wasn't taking Ava was because I wasn't exactly sure where I was staying and it may not be a good idea to just take her out of her home and change her routine that much. She was a little over a year old and I wanted to protect her. He did cry but not once did he ask me to stay. Not that I would have, but still, you'd think he would have said please don't leave, we can work this out (if he had truly loved me). But nope. He never said that, so, I had my bags already packed and I got in my BMW SUV (I had it good and was running away from it all at about 1,000mph in what would come to be the worst direction possible, because that's how unhappy I was). He followed me to Emily's to pick up Ava. He loaded her in he car and all I said to him was, I'll be in touch about Ava. He just gave me the most hateful look like he cared but if he cared he should have shown it. So he went home with Ava and I headed south to South Carolina (where my mom lived but with someone I couldn't stand). I called and old friend, his name was Kenny and he and I had been speaking on the phone and writing letters because he had JUST been released from prison on drug charges (and yes I know how ridiculous this all sounds NOW but at the time my unhappiness and depression had taken a hold of me and my thought processes so much so that I wasn't thinking clearly) and he lived in a house he shared with a couple in North Myrtle Beach. I told him what was going on and he said come on, you can stay here until you get your apartment. So, I did. And that was the WORST decision I ever made. It was the beginning of the downfall of my life for the next 6 years. It's where I was introduced to the devil. And no, I'm not referring to Kenny (his name happened to be Kenny as well), I'm referring to two drugs, one called Opana or the generic name, oxymorphone and the infamous oxycodone. I watched Kenny sell them and do them for about 3 months and I never touched one...but one night I guess I was just in the mood to "party" (something had happened like a fight with Ava's Dad Kenny) that my nerves were SO bad it made me want to try it...I just wanted to escape my feelings...mostly the guilt of leaving Ava, so, I asked if I could try one and he let me. He knew what it would do to me but hey, misery loves company, right? So, I tried one and it was the best feeling. It was like a warm hug and all my worries were suddenly gone...and even though I didn't realize it at the time, so was I...